I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize