Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
