You made me cry and you don't even care
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
