so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
