return my video game
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
