How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
