how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
