we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
