whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
