And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
