So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
