After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
