I could have mohawked her pubes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
