I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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