I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
