omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
