i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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