There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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