I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
