What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
