my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
