some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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