I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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