i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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