She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
