final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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