In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
