I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ugly people sure do ruin things
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
