i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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