i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
