I just cut my nipple shaving
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Come on in and take your pants off
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