Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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