one might say we're banned from that church
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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