Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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