I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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