This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
