There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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