It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
