I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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