i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
