The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
