i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
