i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
