i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
