TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
