Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize