Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
