so explain again why im purple
no
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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