College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
