Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
