OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
