my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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