did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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