This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He did a backflip because drugs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
