went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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