i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
