I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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