New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
