operation harelip BJ is a go
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
