Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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