at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
