Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will be naked everywhere
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
