The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
