chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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