So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
