You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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