Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
