Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
