So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
