I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
